Reality Check: Life IS Fragile. January 27, 2010

Let me skip to the end:  Lauren is back home with us tonight, and God willing, all is well.

Now let’s start at the beginning:

Monday morning Lauren threw up her bottle of milk.  Not really a big deal, but then later that afternoon I noticed her getting warm and whiny, took her temp and it was 102.8.  I gave her Tylenol, and stayed up with her as she tossed and turned most of the evening, giving her Tylenol a couple more times when her fever got high.  She had no more vomiting, no runny nose or cough.

Tuesday she was somewhat lethargic – she took several naps throughout the morning and early afternoon, which is unusual for her, but wasn’t too worrisome given that she hadn’t slept much the night before and she was still not feeling well.  I gave her Tylenol without taking her temperature when she started feeling hot around 3pm, then we packed up and did our grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, where she was very happy and interested in everything.  When we returned home I fed her a bottle and she fell asleep, so I put her down in her bassinet.

Between 6:30 and 7:30pm (not sure of the exact time) she woke up crying while Dave and I were cooking dinner.  David got her out of the bassinet and brought her to the kitchen where I was cooking.  He left her standing in the floor and went back to the grill.  She stood next to me crying for about 30 seconds, then out of the corner of my eye I saw her fall backwards, hitting the left rear of her head on a closed cabinet on her way down.  She immediately stopped crying and just laid there, so I scooped her up and took her to the bedroom with the intention of checking her over, taking her temperature and giving her more Tylenol.  While carrying her to the bedroom, I realized she was 100% limp, and started getting an inkling that something was very wrong.  Lauren is never 100% limp, not even when she’s sleeping.  So I laid her on the floor and took a closer look at what was going on.

Her eyes were open, but looking to the right and not tracking or responding to anything.  I called for David, and by the time he got to us, the fingers on her right hand had started twitching, but the rest of her remained limp and unresponsive.  David told me to get the phone and he called 911, and while he was on the phone with them the twitching in her right hand gradually got more severe and spread to her arms and legs until her whole body was seizing.  She never stopped breathing, and never vomited, but I am so, so thankful that David was here when this happened.  Saying that I was hysterical would be putting it mildly.  I don’t know how he spoke so coherently with the 911 people, but he was amazing.  The sight of my baby not responding and twitching was enough to drive me mad.

Neither Dave or I had ever heard of febrile seizures before…and since she hit her head falling we thought she had broken her neck or something.  We thought she was seizing because of that, and that she was going to die or be a vegetable.  I have never prayed so hard, felt so helpless, or been so horrified in my entire life.  Waterboarding has nothing on the torture of putting a parent through this kind of ordeal.  At least not in my book.

The first officer on scene quickly moved to Lauren’s twitching body and examined her while radioing to the rescue vehicle.  A few minutes later, the firemen arrived, followed quickly by the EMS guys with the ambulance.  All of this took minutes, but seemed like an eternity.  By the time that EMS arrived (roughly 5 minutes?) and started strapping her to the body board, she was becoming alert and starting to cry again.  They took us down the street to a helicopter and the helicopter took us to Sacred Heart in Pensacola.  I never thought I would get in a helicopter, but I did not hesitate last night.  That bird was not taking my baby without me! I sat up front next to the pilot, and Lauren was in the back with the paramedics.  There was a canvas divider up, so I could not see what was going on, and they put earphones on me with the explanation that I would be able to speak with the pilot, but I think the main idea was that I wouldn’t hear Lauren and freak out.  Freaking out in a helicopter with all the buttons and things at my fingertips…well, the ending of this story would be much different!

The chopper pilot and crew were awesome, kind people.  The pilot tried to make nice talk with me, but I was not an attentive audience.  I do remember him saying he has a 4 month old daughter named Katherine Elizabeth.  Other than that, I sat frozen with my hands clasped, idly watching the nighttime bird’s eye view of the world beneath me, begging God to let Lauren be OK.

When we got to the hospital, I was greeted by a sea of medical faces and questions that were all a blur.  Lauren was taken to an ER room, where the somewhat disinterested, shaggy haired doctor ordered a CT scan, and Lauren was wheeled to yet another room for the scans.  She was very alert and very angry and scared at this point.  Apparently she was not cooperating with the “lay still for the CT machine” direction, and the doctors tried to get me to stand with her, until I told them I was pregnant.  They quickly shuffled me back out, where I waited for what felt like eons.  Finally they were satisfied with the images, and brought Lauren back out to the ER room and told me that everything looked normal.  Words that meant nothing to me at the time, such as “febrile seizure” were thrown around, Tylenol was administered, paperwork was shuffled, Lauren cried much and at some point the shaggy haired doctor poked his head back in to say something that meant nothing to me.  Then David appeared, and so did a nurse, who spent the next 20 minutes unsuccessfully attempting to draw blood from my baby.  Torture for Lauren and for us, although I was so, so relieved to have my crying baby and not the limp, unresponsive girl who laid on my bedroom floor.

My wonderful in-laws arrived, our church pastor arrived, and the shaggy haired doctor returned to complain that the doctor who read the CT scan thought he found something indicating developmental problems, and that she would have to wear a neck brace all night until a neurosurgeon could take a look at the CT images.  The guy was ready to walk back out – David basically had to be all, “Excuse me??  Developmental problems?  WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”  And Dr mumbled something about it having nothing to do with the seizure, which was more than likely febrile in nature (again, WHAT? and he explained) but might cause other problems down the line, the neurosurgeon would explain it all in the morning.  UGH.

Long story shortened, all the nurses and doctors and everybody that we saw once we were taken up to the infant/toddler ward were awesome, caring people.  I still love the Sacred Heart hospital system, even though the ER doc left much to be desired.  The neurosurgeon arrived at 7am, had us briefly recount the evening, advised us in no uncertain terms that Lauren had a febrile seizure, which was not to be worried about.  Then she looked at the CT scan and said that what the ER doc was looking at was the result of Lauren not being still for the scan, but ordered x-rays to be safe.  The x-rays did not show anything, so there is no developmental issue in her neck, and everyone at Sacred Heart agrees that Lauren had a febrile seizure.

Her blood work showed her white cell count was normal, so that ruled out infection.  They also tested for RSV, although not for influenza, which kind of bothers me.  The Sacred Heart folks said she has a virus that is causing the fevers, and the fever caused the seizure.  She had a Febrile Seizure which the doctors tell us is common (1 in 20 children between 6 mos and 6 years old will experience one) in infants and toddlers when they have a sudden and drastic rise in temperature. I do not know how many of you have witnessed someone, much less an infant, having a seizure, but that was the most frightening thing I have ever witnessed.  The blank look on her face, the rolled eyes and the jerking limbs will haunt me forever…

Lauren is sleeping soundly at the moment but we’ve been holding and hugging and watching her relentlessly.  It’s funny (or just sad) how we can go days just running through our schedules on autopilot without fully appreciating this precious little girl we hold in our hands.  I love my daughter more than my own life but I rush around the house too much, I get bored with her games too quickly, I forget what a gift I have been given too easily.  I regularly pray for Lauren’s safety, spiritual life and health, and do my best to trust God with her life but this experience really brought home the fact that my own sense of control is an illusion.

Tomorrow we have a follow-up appointment with our local pediatrician, who we hope will determine exactly what this virus is that’s causing the fevers.  I’ll keep you posted!

Cherish every moment together,

Becki

They should have called it “Where the Wild Things AREN’T.” January 21, 2010

OK, so I started this post umm….a long time ago.  When “Where The Wild Things Are” was in the theaters.  But I never finished it.  It being the blog.  Last night Dave and I rented “9″ and it was disappointing and irritating, which reminded me of THIS movie, so I figured I would kill two birds with one stone and rant about both movies now.  Aren’t you excited to hear my whining??  Of course you are!  So here we go!

Before yesterday (or, at this point, many many yesterdays ago), David and I had not been to a movie in over a year.  Add to that the fact that we both LOVE the book, “Where The Wild Things Are” and you can imagine how super excited we (OK especially me) were to go see the movie yesterday.

This movie got great reviews.  Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 73% approval rating.  People said things like, “[It is] A poignant dissection of youth with nine-foot furry monsters, gorgeous production design, frenetic camerawork and a playful, wistful score from Karen O. Never mind the little ones. This beauty will have most grown-ups blubbing.”

This about sums up the mood of the entire film. PUT THEM OUT OF THEIR MISERY, ALREADY!

Um.  Blubbing, maybe.  Playful, wistful score? NO. The music alone made me want to cry, cry, cry.  All of the characters were sad, emotionally disordered train wrecks.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but the book was about Max being WILD and rambunctious and so were the wild things.  They weren’t wildly depressed.  They were wildly playful and full of testosterone and childishness. The movie spends all of it’s time in a kind of dragging, adult depression that is entirely too distressed and distressing.  If I had known what I was getting myself into, I would never have subjected myself to this movie.  And I would definitely never take my kids to see it! OK, I think that’s all I have to say about that.  Thank you for letting me get that off of my chest!

As for “9,” it too was sad, slow, and pointless.  Pointless in that it had no real storyline, and did not have any sort of underlying theme that I could discern.  I will say that the graphics and animation were pretty awesome….but IMHO, that does not make a movie!  One of my favorite reviews for this one says, “This movie is what would happen if the folks at Pixar were manic depressives . . .“

The main character wearing his main expression. HUHHH.

OK, I feel better now.  Thanks for listening to me rant!

Won’t someone please make a decent kid’s movie?

-Becki

Happy New Year! January 5, 2010

I hope the holidays were as kind to you as they were to me.  I won’t say they were easy, necessarily, because there were definitely many melt-downs for me as I remembered and missed my Mom.  But those moments were only moments, and on the whole I had a GREAT holiday season, mostly thanks to David’s awesome family.  Man do I love those people. All of ‘em, right down to the great-grannies.  They’re fun, they’re loving, they accept and even seem to like me, and they ADORE my kiddo.

Lauren had a fabulous first Christmas, thank you for asking.  She has more toys than we have space now.  What a blessing of a “problem” to have!  She had a great time rocking out to all the singing Christmas decorations, and she kept her cousins entertained and harassed getting into every little thing they left sitting out.  Lauren and her cousins are the cutest things going, by the way.  Don’t believe me?  I have proof!

Lauren and her cousin Leah

Lauren and cousins Dalton and Devin

I trust you are convinced!

I did do a lot of cooking and baking over the holidays, but I did not do a lot of photographing.  Sorry, guys!  How about if I post two recipes today to make up for it?  Yes?  OK!

Christmas Eve Mice

Ingredients:

-1 package Oreo Cookies, twisted apart, or 2 packages white chocolate covered oreos, whole (I have not made them with the white chocolate oreos.  Yet.  Next year, my pretties…next year!)

-2 jars Maraschino Cherries, With Stems, drained, rinsed and patted dry

-40 Hershey’s Kisses, unwrapped

-Approximately 1 cup sliced almonds

-1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

-2 tsp shortening

-1 tube red icing gel and 1 tube green icing gel

Directions:

-Set up an assembly line, however works for you.  I did mine like so:

Assembly line, minus the melted chocolate. It's there, just not in this shot.

-Put your chocolate chips and the shortening in a small bowl and microwave in 30 second intervals until completely melted.  Stir until smooth.

-Grab a cherry by the stem and completely dunk the cherry in the chocolate (not the stem!)

-Place cherry on it’s side on Oreo Cookie.  Place it over to one side more, so you will have room to pipe your decorations next to the mouse.  The cherry makes up the mouse body and the stem is it’s tail.

-Quickly press the flat side of a Hershey kiss to the side of the cherry opposite the stem.  The kiss makes up the mouse head.

-Place two almond slices between the kiss and the cherry – these make up the mouse ears.

-Repeat until you have 40 mice completed.  You will probably need to reheat your chocolate once or twice during this process – that’s OK.

-Use your red and green gel to pipe holly decorations next to your mouse.  You can also use the red gel to make eyes for your mouse, or use black gel if you have it.  Black would be much cuter, but I always use red because I’m too cheap to buy 3 tubes of icing.

-Serve at your next holiday party and eat up the ooh’s and ahh’s and “how cute!”s.

OK, and recipe #2 I discovered and made today.  How’s that for fresh blogging, huh??  I took this recipe from Katie at You Are What You Eat…Or Reheat – how cute is that title??  She’s funny and makes good food.  And she loves animals and The Pioneer Woman.  Which reminds me – I need to show you one of my favorite Christmas presents this year!  Check this puppy out:

That's right, ladies and gents! My very own PW cookbook signed by THE Pioneer Woman herself. She even spelled my name right!

David was totally awesome to make that happen.  I think he loves me or something!

OK, so here’s another recipe that you really need to try ASAP:

Chocolate Chip Brownie Pillows

Ingredients:

-1 (20 oz) pkg double chocolate brownie mix

-1 stick unsalted butter (I used salted, and I think my cookies turned out just fine.  David agrees!)

-1/2 cup shortening

-1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar (Katie did not specify dark or light.  I used light, because that’s what I had.)

-2 large eggs

-1 egg yolk

-1 tbsp vanilla extract

-2 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour (I used bleached.  It’s what I had.  Again, David and I agree – these turned out fabulously!)

-2 tsp baking powder

-1/2 tsp baking soda

-3/4 tsp salt

-3 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Instructions:

-Prepare brownies according to package directions in an 8″ square pan.  Cool completely.

-Then cut into 3 dozen or so tiny squares.

Little, little bites.

-While the brownies are baking, beat butter and shortening at medium speed until creamy.

-Add brown sugar, beating until smooth.

-Add eggs, yolk, and vanilla, beating until blended.

-Combine flour and next three ingredients; gradually add to butter mixture, beating until blended after each addition.

-Stir in chocolate chips, cover, and chill dough 1 hour.

Show me the DOUGH!

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees. (Unless you’re like me and just left your oven on between making the brownies and chilling the cookie dough.  Oops.)

-For each cookie, scoop 1/2 cup dough onto wax paper lined cookie sheet; place cookies 3 in. apart. Using fingers make an indention in mound of dough; place 1 brownie square in center. Press dough around brownie to form a ball. Repeat. (OK I totally did not do mine like this.  I scooped out a heaping tablespoon, smooshed it down, smashed in a piece of brownie, then added another stingy tablespoon on top.  It was just easier that way, and made much smaller and many more cookies.)

-Chill 15 minutes.

-Bake 18-20 minutes or until lightly browned and cookies look set.

-Cool 2 minutes.

-Remove to wire rack and let cool completely.

It's a BROWNIE. In the middle of a CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE. Yes!!

-Try not to eat all of these bad boys in one sitting.  Especially if you’ve made new year’s resolutions involving diets and other such nonsense.

Here’s to a glorious 2010,

Becki

Mom’s Yule Log Cake December 15, 2009

I did some baking for my church’s Christmas banquet last weekend, so let me share!

The Yule Log recipe is from my Mom…she made this cake every year for as long as I can remember.  She always made one for her dressage club Christmas party, and if we were lucky, we could talk her into making another one for the family!

Yule Log Cake with Meringue Mushrooms

Cake Ingredients:

-14 finely crushed Oreos
-1/3 cup all-purpose flour
-1/2 teaspoon baking powder
-5 eggs, separated, at room temperature
-1/2 cup granulated sugar
-powdered sugar for sprinkling

Nekkid Yule Log

Chocolate Filling Ingredients:

-1 cup heavy whipping cream
-1/4 cup powdered sugar
-2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa

Chocolate Frosting Ingredients:

-1/3 cup softened butter
-1 1/2 cups  powdered sugar
-2 squares (1 ounce each)  unsweetened chocolate
-2 tablespoons milk
-1 tablespoon imitation rum flavoring (I only used a drop of this)

Filled, frosted and dusted with powdered sugar

Meringue Mushroom Ingredients:

-2 egg whites
-1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
-1/8 teaspoon salt
-1/3 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
-1/2 cup granulated sugar

Meringues

Cake Directions:

-Preheat oven to 350°

-Grease a 15″ x 10″ jelly roll pan; line pan with foil; HEAVILY GREASE FOIL.

-In a small bowl, combine Oreo crumbs, flour and baking powder; set aside.

-In a large mixing bowl, with electric mixer at medium speed, beat 5 egg yolks with granulated sugar until light yellow.

-In small mixing bowl, with electric mixer at high speed, beat 5 egg whites until stiff peaks form.

-Gently fold whites into yolk mixture along with crumb mixture.  Spread evenly in prepared pan.

-Bake for 15 minutes, or until cake springs back with lightly touched.

-Sprinkle a hand towel with powdered sugar.  Loosen the edges of cake and invert it onto the towel.

-Starting at the long side, roll cake and towel, jelly-roll fashion.  Cool on wire rack.

-Unroll cake and spread with chocolate filling; reroll.  Transfer to serving dish and diagonally slice a 3 inch piece from the roll and place it against the side of roll to resemble a cut-off branch.  Ice with chocolate frosting, and chill until serving time.  Garnish with meringue mushrooms.

Chocolate Filling Directions:

-In a small bowl, combine all ingredients.  Beat with electric mixer at medium speed until stiff peaks form.

-I find this works much better if you chill the bowl and beaters in the freezer for a few minutes beforehand.

Chocolate Frosting Directions:

-In small mixing bowl, with electric mixer at medium speed, beat butter with half of powdered sugar until blended.  Add remaining sugar, chocolate, milk and rum; beat until blended.

Meringue Mushroom Directions:

-Preheat oven to 225°.  Line cookie sheet with parchment paper.

-In small mixing bowl, with electric mixer at high speed, beat 2 egg whites, cream of tartar and salt until soft peaks form.  Gradually add granulated sugar, beating until stiff, shiny peaks form.

-On parchment paper, pipe meringue in 1 inch rounds for mushroom tops and 1 inch lengths for stems.

-Bake for 60 minutes, then turn oven off and allow meringues to stand in oven for 30 minutes.

-In small bowl, microwave chocolate chips in 30 second intervals until completed melted.  Assemble mushrooms by making a small hole in the underside of mushroom tops to fit stems; spread underside of each mushroom with chocolate; fit in stems.

The Finished Product!

This cake is kind of a lot of work, but it is definitely worth it.  The whole thing was gone within minutes of it’s being cut at the banquet.  There were more people than I had planned on – I think there were around 50 people.  I should have made 2 cakes!

Anyway, try this recipe – you won’t be disappointed!

Merry Christmas!

Becki

Adjusting December 9, 2009

In case you hadn’t heard, my Mom passed away on November 15.  I’ve been trying to wrap my head and my heart around that hard FACT ever since.

This is the first time I have ever really had to deal with death.  I have been fortunate enough to never lose anybody close to me until now.  And it’s not that I just lost somebody “close” to me – I lost my MOM.  As I’ve grown up, Mom and I have had our differences, and gone through growing pains as I’ve gone from child to adult and made my own decisions, not all of which Mom agreed with.  But I can honestly say that my Mom and I never had a major “falling out” – there was never any period of time where we were not on speaking terms, or where we avoided eachother.

My Mom was my touchstone.  She was my best friend – my whole life, she’s known pretty much everything there is to know about me.  Even as an adult, she basically defined my holidays and made sure the family stuck together.  We relied on her to be the heart of our family, and now we’re going to have to take everything she taught us and stick together without her.

And of course I have regrets.  I spent a lot of time with my Mom – I usually saw her at least a couple of times a week.  We were closer than most people I know are to their parents.   But I wish that I had spent more time telling her how much she meant to me, and thanking her for everything.  I visited Mom the day before she passed, and she asked me to brush her hair, which I did for about 5 minutes.  She wanted me to keep brushing it, but I was tired and told her I would later.  Of course I did not brush her hair again.  I wish I hadn’t gotten frustrated with her when she got confused and angry with me – she was on medication and wasn’t entirely lucid.  I wish I had spent more time saying goodbye that afternoon.

It is a very hard concept to grasp that there is no “going back” and that Mom isn’t going to come back.  After her funeral (or celebration of life, as we called it) I kept feeling so incomplete because I couldn’t talk to Mom about it.  I wanted to know what she thought about it, and talk about all the people who came and what was said and just process it all with her like I am used to doing with most things.

For a while I kept telling myself I just had to get through…the funeral…Thanksgiving….Christmas…then things would get easier.  But that’s not really true.  Mom is not coming back to refill that hollow spot.  We all just have to get used to it and work around it and let ourselves be happy with everything that we still have.  I have to do that.

Be kind to one another,

Becki

Mom’s Obituary

A Blog From Birmingham October 25, 2009

Alright, so as most of you know, I am in Birmingham, AL right now.  And I need to vent!  That’s not really what I had in mind for my blog when I started it…but you know what?  It’s MY blog and I’ll vent if I want to!

Yesterday was probably one of the most stressful days of my life.  I had a good visit with Mom in the morning, and then yesterday afternoon my brother, Dad and I met with a woman who I will call ‘A’, from UAB’s Palliative Care center.  We also met with the Doctor, but that was after being put through the wringer with A for a little over an hour.

I am sure that ‘A’ is a nice woman, and that she had the best of intentions.  But it felt like she spent all that time trying to convince us that Mom doesn’t want to live anymore and that we should not feel guilty about ‘giving up’ on her.  She said a lot more than that – she talked for over an hour, in case I didn’t mention that already.  But the summary was that modern medicine has been extending Mom’s life beyond what’s natural and we should go ahead and treat her like we’re living 100 years ago when people just got put into a bed and their families tried to make them comfortable until they passed.  No really, she said exactly that.  I am absolutely positive that Ms. ‘A’ is getting kickbacks from the Grim Reaper.

Apparently ‘A’ had  a conversation with Mom a day or two ago, and Mom told her that she didn’t want any more medical treatment.  So ‘A’ took us back to Mom’s room so we could hear her say it ourselves.  However, ‘A’ is a professional at talking in circles, and Mom is extremely medicated right now as she still has a chest tube in her side and is in a lot of pain without the drugs.  Mom’s only partially lucid.  So ‘A’ tries to lead her around to saying she doesn’t want to fight anymore, but Mom is not lucid and is feeling much better now that she’s not in pain anymore and wasn’t getting it.  So it came down to telling Mom that the Doctors feel like she is not going to get better and does she want to stay where she’s at, or go somewhere more comfortable?  And that’s when Mom started crying and said, “So you’re telling me that no matter what I am going to die here??”  Oh yeah.  Hearts broke left and right.  Also, I would like to kick ‘A’ into next week.

Then the Doctor came in, and was all fakey fakey…but he at least was a little more direct in talking to us and said that basically, the hospital has made no progress on Mom’s illness since she’s been there.  They don’t know what’s wrong with her, they haven’t been able to heal her, and there is nothing further that they know how to do.  He said he feels like they have been torturing Mom rather than treating her.  He asked her if she felt the same way, and she said, “No.  I do not feel like you have been torturing me.”  But the Doctor still recommends that we move her to Palliative Care and out of ICU.

I feel like we spent the afternoon being convinced that we should stop fighting for Mom, and that Mom wants to stop fighting.  I also feel like A and the Doctor made Mom feel like we all want to stop fighting for her, too.  The bottom line though is that at the end of it, Mom did say she wants to be moved, she does not want to be put back on a ventilator if it comes down to that.  So today she will be moved to the Palliative Care floor.  And as long as that’s what she wants, I’m OK with that.  Mom is being prayed for, and I know that God does not need the ICU or anything to make her well again if that’s His will. 

As you can probably imagine, I am an emotional mess.  I am so ANGRY.  Seriously, I am fighting myself to keep from being a witch to everybody.  I am mad with no target for my anger.  So I want to yell at people walking on the street, doctors standing in the hospital hallways, my brother, everybody.  I would also love to lay down and sleep for a day or two, but Lauren hardly lets me sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch.  Did I mention that she’s sick, too?  Oh the fun!

Pray for me, that I keep it together and don’t give in to the anger.  Of course, pray for my family.  And please, if I seem snippy to you – well, I probably am.  But I don’t mean it!  Take me with several grains of salt for a while, eh?

Exhausted,

Becki

Welcoming The Fall Into Our Home: Pumpkin Pancakes! October 20, 2009

I’m baaack!

Honestly, I have a backlog of recipes and photos to post….I just haven’t felt motivated to do so.  Sorry, Charlie(s).

But now.  Now we are finally experiencing some fall weather here in north Florida and I got motivated to do some celebratory cooking!  First up:  Pumpkin pancakes!  (I have to say “pumpkin pancakes” slowly or I read and say it as pumpkin paMcakes.  Just thought you should know.)

Unlike Peter Peter, I have never been much of a pumpkin eater.  I don’t really care for pumpkin pie, even.  But I’ve been browsing all these fall recipes and pumpkin is everywhere and suddenly it’s sounding pretty fantastic to me.  Maybe it’s the hormones.  Maybe it’s just the natural expansion of my slowly aging palate.  Either way, I got up and made some pumpkin pancakes this morning!

I took this recipe from Xiaolu at 6 Bittersweets.  She is quite the cupcake artist, too.  I’m pondering her Caramelized Banana Creme Brulee Cupcakes, which look and sound fabulous.  They also look like a lot of work, and so I haven’t moved much beyond pondering them.

Back to the pancakes:  I thought they turned out GREAT!  Not surprisingly, David was not so enthusiastic.  He is just not an adventurous eater, people.  He likes scrambled eggs and ketchup for breakfast, turkey sandwiches for lunch and steak and potatoes for dinner.  He could honestly live very happily on that menu DAILY.  Sad, huh?  Me, I love food.  I love trying new food.  Variety is the spice of life, right?  At least when it comes to eating?

Pumpkin Pancakes with Cream Cheese “Syrup”

Pancake Ingredients:

-1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
-1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
-1/2 teaspoon baking soda
-1 tablespoon wheat germ
-1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
-1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (I did not have any ground nutmeg, so instead of adding everything seperately I just used a pumpkin pie spice mix that I already had, because it had all the ingredients in it, minus the cloves, add allspice.  I thought it was good!)
-1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
-pinch of ground cloves
-pinch of cayenne powder (oops, I forgot the cayenne!  I bet it gives it a unique little bite.  Next time!)
-1 egg
-2 tablespoons vegetable oil
-1 tablespoon molasses
-1 tablespoon sugar
-1/2 cup pumpkin puree (I used canned)
-1 cup buttermilk (I substituted skim milk plus 1 tsp lemon juice)
-vegetable oil for the pan

Cream Cheese Syrup Ingredients:

-3/4 cup cream cheese frosting (any kind but I used extra from the recipe below)
-1/2 cup milk
-1 tablespoon sweetened condensed milk, or more to taste

OK, I did not use the sweetened condensed milk.  I just made the frosting with the following ingredients and added 1/2 cup milk to thin it.  Yummm.

-4 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
-1/8 cup (2 tbsp) unsalted butter, room temperature
-1/8 cup maple syrup
-1/2 cup powdered sugar, sifted (I did not sift)

Directions:

-In a large mixing bowl, stir together the flour, wheat germ, baking power, baking soda, and spices.

-In a separate mixing bowl, whisk the egg until thoroughly combined, then add the oil, molasses, sugar, pumpkin, and buttermilk.

-Pour the liquid ingredients into the dry ingredients and whisk gently until the batter is mostly mixed but still contains small lumps. Let batter rest while pan heats, at least 5 minutes.

-Heat non-stick skillet or griddle over medium heat. Add a few drops of oil and spread it over the bottom of the pan.

-Pour pancake batter onto hot griddle approximately 1/4 cup at a time.

ooo...orange pancake!

-When the edges start to dry and bubbles appear on top, flip to cook the other side.

-Keep pancakes warm in an oven heated to 275 degrees as you repeat the process to cook the rest of the batter.

nekkid pumpkin pancakes

-To make the syrup, simply mix all the ingredients together until smooth. You can play around with the proportions to get the perfect sweetness/thickness for you.

It looks like she's having an epiphany, no? "Pumpkin pancakes...who would have thought..this changes everything!"

OK, and finally, with the syrup (sooooooooo good with the syrup!)

Get in my belly!

Welcome, Fall!

Becki

On Mortality. October 7, 2009

Mortality.  It sucks.  The end.

Just kidding.  I have way more to say about it than that!

My Mom is gravely ill, again.  She’s been on and off her death bed for the past – I don’t know – probably 5 years now.  The thing is, in all these years of medical emergencies and near death experiences, nobody has figured out what the underlying problem is.  She keeps getting pneumonia – usually about 6 times a year.  She did much better this year, but last year she was almost literally in the hospital every other month.  You can imagine the emotional havoc that wreaked upon everybody…not to mention Mom herself.  She’s been everywhere looking for answers – even as far as Colorado.  And still nobody is any more clear on what keeps bringing her down.  Her lungs are pretty damaged from everything, so she’s always on oxygen these days.  She can’t ride or even really visit her horse anymore.  It’s so hard to see my once vibrant Mother fading away, without even a reason why.

Sunday she was admitted into our local hospital, Monday she was moved to the ICU, and yesterday they flew her out to UAB to see if that team of doctors could come up with anything.

I’ll try not to get too long-winded about it all, but I do want to vent a bit.  It’s such a strange thing having my Mom be chronically ill.  On the one hand, I’m sick of talking about it.  This has been going on so long – when people ask about her I just summarize with “ok…basically the same…at least she’s at home right now.”  Because what else is there to say?  That she has at least one doctor’s appointment a week, that she goes for IVIG treatments once a month, that her medications are constantly being adjusted and tweaked, that she has good days and bad days but none of them are exceptionally healthy days any more?  I’m sick of talking about it.  The first question is usually how old is she?  Too young to be going downhill this way – early 60’s.  My Dad’s Mom is in her early 80’s and is still living on her own out in the country, healthy as an elderly ox!

So mostly I try not to think about it too much, and just enjoy the time that I have with Mom.  We spend quite a bit of time over at their house, and I try to get Mom to go out and do things as much as she is able.  I don’t talk about her health, I don’t really listen to the daily updates that are usually just a new version of “we don’t know any more than we did 5 years ago” and I try not to think about her mortality.

But now she’s back in the hospital – and she’s in Alabama so I can’t even go see her!  All of my repressed worries and sadness over the mortality of my Mom is coming  down on me at once.  I’ve been moping around the house all day today, except the quick trip I made to Sonic to drown my sorrows in fried foods.  Then I washed them down with some homemade baked fudge ala Pioneer Woman.  You guys must try this stuff – it’s the perfect “pity party” treat!  Click here and remember to thank me later ——->Baked Fudge.

So, keep my Mom and all of the rest of us in your prayers.

Brooding,

Becki

I totally love and totally hate running. Totally. September 25, 2009

First, what do you guys think – if your Christmas lights are relatively inconspicuous, is it still tacky to leave them up all year long?  I ask only because last night as I was headed back from my run, I noticed that our neighbor 2 houses down still has their icicle lights up over their garage.  And I thought, “Huh.  Not a bad idea since they’re so hard to notice.”  I mean, I’ve run past that house almost every time I run in our neighborhood (so at least like, 5 times now!) and I just now noticed them.  I’m pretty sure it’s still tacky and it would bug me to pull up to my house and see them every day, but I just wanted to see what you guys think.

Anyhow, back to the running.  When I came in the door last night I told David,

“If I didn’t just achieve a personal best in distance, I might actually quit running.”

Because let me tell you, running in the pea soup that is Florida air after an afternoon rainstorm is NOT FUN.  Add to that the fact that my neighborhood is made up of a bunch of hills strung together, and that I accidentally ran up a mountain last night, well.

You see, I am trying to increase my mileage every time I run.  But if I plan my routes ahead of time so that I actually know where and how far I am going when I run, I psyche myself out and am much less likely to actually complete the run.  I enjoy flying by the seat of my pants, so to speak.  It helps keep my mind off the pain of running and occupied trying to decide where I’m going and remember where I’ve gone and guessing how far I’ve run.  Plus it’s a fun way to explore and get to know the neighborhood.  This is how I came to run up a mountain:

I had already almost gone down one dead-end road, so I made sure to look ahead for another street sign, hopefully indicating an outlet to the road I was about to turn down.

It was a slight incline, which is normal for my ‘hood.  But then all of a sudden I found myself here:

This is me looking out across a "valley" to the hills ahead. It was really pretty, and an excellent illustration of why this city is called "Crestview." But I knew there was no way I was running back up that road once I got to the bottom!

Did you know that running down a steep road is no piece of cake?  It takes a lot of focus and restraint not to go tripping/rolling down the mountain!

See? I was very glad I had "made sure" the road looped around.

I made it to the bottom without tripping OR rolling down the hill, and I was feeling pretty good.  Until I turned the corner and discovered THIS:

I was mad. Oh, I was mad. So mad that I turned around and kept right on running!

You know the term “feel the burn,” right?  I felt my calves’ hearts breaking.  They were crying and it was serious.  Their little calf muscle chests got all tingly and tight and everything. But we persevered, my sobbing calf muscles and I.

I tried very hard to keep myself distracted.

Know what got me through to the top?  The song, “Let’s Get Retarded (In Here).“  I know.  That is not good Christian music, kiddies and I’m not endorsing it!  I am saying that the song has a bad attitude, and by this point in my run SO DID I.  My thoughts went something like this:

“Why am I still running?  What am I trying to prove?  This is retarded!“

But I made it to the top, and then I KEPT GOING.  I kept going until I could not go anymore, and when I walked in the door I told David,

“If I didn’t just achieve a personal best in distance, I may actually quit running.”

And you know what?  We went back and drove it, and it was a personal best!  I made it 4.3 miles without walking, and that mountain was almost exactly in the middle.  Am I bragging?  Yeah, a bit.  But I am also saying that THIS is what I love about running:  99% of the reward comes once the run is over and your body parts aren’t crying anymore and the happy hormones are flooding your brain and you feel like you have really accomplished something – even if it’s something as small as breaking your personal record by a measly 2/10’s of a mile.

Do something you have never done before – even if it’s just by 2/10’s of a mile!

Becki

Mmmilk Dud Cupcakes! September 18, 2009

Yesterday, in a fit of hormones, I went on a “must have chocolatey sugary goodness!” rampage, and I am so glad that I did!

I combined a couple of recipes from Jenny at Picky Palate and spent the afternoon attempting (and mostly failing) not to eat all twenty-four of the cupcakes that I made.  I took the Caramel Buttercream Icing (are you drooling yet??  every time I read or say “caramel buttercream icing” my tastebuds smile.  best idea ever, Ms. Picky Palate!) from this recipe and the cupcake batter from this recipe to make these:

Milk Dud Cupcakes

Cupcake Ingredients:

-1 box devil’s food cake mix

-4 eggs

-1/2 cup vegetable oil

-1/2 cup water

-1 small box instant chocolate pudding mix (Buying instant pudding is tricky.  I hate the packaging because it is not immediately obvious which ones are sugar-free and which ones are regular.  I spent a long time staring at them before buying 4 packages of what I thought was regular chocolate instant pudding mix.  When I pulled out a box to make these cupcakes yesterday and discovered that I had purchased 4 boxes of sugar-free, I almost had a melt-down.  I hate it when I’m “tricked” into low-fat, no-fat, sugar-free stuff!!  But as it turns out, these cupcakes are plenty sweet enough – I did not miss the additional sugar that would have come with a box of regular pudding.  Sorry for this long side note…I had to get that off my chest!)

-1/2 cup sour cream

-1 cup milk chocolate chips (I used semi-sweet for mine, and they’re fine.  But the semi-sweet kind of overpowers the caramel – I think milk-chocolate chips would be a much better choice for these cupcakes.)

-1 movie-theatre sized box Milk Duds

Caramel Buttercream Icing Ingredients:

-20 soft caramels

-1/4 cup milk

-2 egg yolks

-3 1/4 cups powdered sugar

-2 sticks softened butter

Directions:

-Preheat oven to 350º

-Using a stand or electric mixer, combine all cake ingredients except chocolate chips.  Mix on medium for 2 minutes or until well combined and somewhat thick.  Add chocolate chips and stir until combined.

-Scoop into 25 paper lined muffin cups.  Don’t be like me and waste your cute white cupcake liners on these chocolate cupcakes.  White cupcake liners are made for light-colored batters.  Duh.  But aren’t these adorable?

cute, no?

-Press 1 Milk Dud into the center of each cupcake.

-Bake for 22-25 minutes or until they pass the toothpick-test.  Let ‘em cool completely before frosting. (OK and here I have to say that straight out of the oven, with no icing or anything, these guys are SO GOOD.  I ate a whole one as soon as they came out of the oven, and I could have easily eaten a couple more!  The chocolate chips and the Milk Dud are all gooey and melty and mmmmmmm…)

Caramel Buttercream Icing Directions:

-Unwrap caramels and place them and the milk into a medium saucepan over medium low heat until melted and smooth, stirring constantly.  Remove from heat and cool for 10 minutes.

-In a seperate bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and 1/4 cup powdered sugar.

-Using a stand or electric mixer, slowly beat together the melted caramel and the egg yolk mixture until well combined.  Cover the bowl and refrigerate until well chilled – at least an hour or so.

-Once the caramel mixture is chilled, add the softened butter and beat until whipped.  Slowly beat in the remaining 3 cups powdered sugar, until everything is light and fluffy.

-Frost your cupcakes and ENJOY!

Oh, and there won’t be enough frosting to make them all swirly and pretty like this:

So you’ll just have to slap it on like this:

But that’s OK because you’re still going to want to shovel it into your mouth like this:

Get In My Belly!

Have a great weekend!

Becki